In which we resurface

So I have been away. If I start giving reasons on why I was away, I would not have many. But the primary and most important reason has been my laidback attitude. When I am writing this post right now, I am thinking ( in the age old ways of psycho analyzing myself) what has changed that has made me write this post. Probably it’s the onset of autumn. There is slight dew in the air, days are brighter, sunlight is crispier and there is a strange sweet smell in the air. I wonder how these seasonal patterns correspond so well to hindi calendar. Tomorrow, I guess is the first nav-ratra ( going by the stall selling pooja samgri), and though I have no interest, inclination or belief in these things I feel nostalgic of the days when my mother would send me buy some last minute thing that she had forgotten.

Khair. Enough of reminiscence! I have cribbed a thousand times on how my life is so boring and uninteresting that I have nothing to write, that I feel guilty now that so many interesting things have happened recently and I have been darn lazy to write about any of them/

First things first. I got myself tested for HIV. My second time. It was something I had been planning, procrastinating and afraid to do for long for simple reasons. Every day, I would pass by this lab and stop and look at the sign board thinking wheather I would need a prescription to ask for the test, and what the people at the counter, the lab assistant who may take my blood sample will think. Will that make me look gay, or they will think I am a promiscuous bitch?

I am sure they have better things to worry about than these things when its their daily routine to come across jerks like me. So there I was, two weeks back at Lal path labs mustering all my courage. I asked the lady at the counter for a HIV/ ELISA test. ( I had got it done first when I found a hicky on my chest which looked a lot like what caposi sarcoma looked on Tom Hanks in Philadelfia.) The person who took my blood sample was as nonchalant as I expected him to be. Though I wanted to run away from there asap, he made me sit and hold the cotton on the point where sample was taken. And did it feel like eternity, sitting there surrounded by that eeky spirit and phenyl air?

I am sure most of you have seen the SATC episode where Samantha ( Btw, did any one check out the new movie’s pics? They all look fab.) gets her test done and she is anxious to get her results while waiting in the hospital lobby to be called any moment to get that counselling. Dr Lal labs saved me from that torture since they have online reports. I can’t begin to imagine to collect a test report finding oneself positive. With my heartbeats going up and staying there, I opened and found it was negative. It was negative. ( on second thoughts, I think if I was a better writer, I’d have begun with the suspense of the test and not broken out the news that it was negative in the first line itself. The way I see it, I too can do it. Just that I am lazy. J )

Hmm, the second thing. I finally met the designer and my notting hill moment did not just stay as an audio conversation. He was actually very nice and cordial and horny . I had already gotten over with the whole thing, so it came as a positive surprise. Peace.

Last month, I also decided that I needed to beautify myself so I invested in a chemical peel session. And I just looked like Samantha when she had got her peel done. ( for those who havn’t seen SATC, go watch it. You have no excuse). It was horrible. I had to be not only indoors but confined to my little apartment. I face resembled a desiccated currant, and no way I could have gone to work looking like that. ( yes, being a style icon does have its downsides). Thankfully, the swine flu scare was at its peak and I cleverly excused myself from going to work by telling people that I have Cold. Anyway, my ordeal lasted for one whole week and I could see a lot of suppressed smiles on my neighbors when I picked my morning newspaper ( only time I went out of home in 7 days). For those who are interested in knowing the results of the experiment can write to me, I will send them before, after and ‘in between’ pics.

P.S. I have been thinking of late why I chose 'TLOB' as my blog alias. I had finished reading the book when I started this blog. To rediscover my quirks, I went back to the book and fell in love with it. I will write a review soon, I think, at least, my alias deserves that,

hmm...I am sleepy and tired

Yes, that's what you do when you surf till late night and wait for things to happen to you. On top of it, when I woke up this morning, picking up my daily dose of newspaper I saw the headline say " Did you see the longest solar eclipse of the centuary?". Ahh, now they are making us feel guilty for sleeping late. Or rather waking late.

I can be least bothered. I am not gonna give any 'daan' becuase of the eclipse, that's so Pagan. I wish we indians had some more objectivity and we could start questioning the expected beliefs. And I bet any one who has experienced the nuisance caused by 'Kaanwariyas' will surely be put off by this brand of religion.

Now, this reminds me to declare that I am not religious at all. I am not proud of it, nor I am concerned. It's something fact of the matter. Chris: if you read this, I'd like to know what you think. Btw, I know that you sleep with your Blue book beside your bed table.

Alpha version of myself

I watch TV soaps for inspiration. That perhaps sounds pathetic. Perhaps, when you get totally bore, or totally insane, you start looking for meaning in everything inane ( was there some alliteration?)

I find legal dramas very engaging. And once you have some bit of comedy thrown in, and turned it into  a 'Dramady', it becomes my favorite genre. It does not have the usual chest beating sermonizing, instead there are moments when you discover there are small moments, moments that you and I live every second, turned into something dramatic yet subtle which lie buried under mundaneness of life.

In one of these fits of self discovery, I finally saw something that reinforced my belief that "We are different versions of ourselves at different times". Does that sound arcane? Let  me elaborate.

I am a kind person. I like helping people, something that I do without any expectation. But there are moments when I don't feel like helping ( very few, trust me). How do I stop feeling miserable and 'bitch' when I don't help someone, and I know if I help I will not get over the fact that I can't be myself.

Now, this new theory puts everything in perspective. I can be cranky at times without having to feel I am a bad person. and in case, you are wondering where I saw that line, It was 'Boston Legal". And if you wondering about why the post is titled so, any software released for the first time which would have 'bugs' and 'errors' is called alpha version. The problem free ( that's what they claim) comes later and is called 'Beta' Version

My first tag

One of my most favorite bloggers Chrisann not only linked me to her blog, but also called me an 'old friend'. Beat that. That felt kinda nice. Wait, there is more. She also tagged me for a post. I have always wanted to be tagged. Inspite of being here, I was never tagged. Until now, that is.

So here it goes.

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?

The last movie I saw in theater was 'Rock On'. I went there because some colleagues insisted me to go. My inability to say no to such request came handy, and I didn't regret it at all.

2. What book are you reading?

Currently I am reading "Lunatic in my head' by Anjum Hasan. I wanted to read this since I read it's review here. I normally stay away from Indian fiction but this time I liked the concept of the novel with three very different protagonist, and its setting in a small town.

3. Favorite board game?

None, I am afraid.

4. Favorite magazine?

That's a tough one. My magazine seller never recommends any because he knows my eclectic taste. So I read Autocar India, Men's World, Outlook Business, Business World, India Today, Outlook, Economist, Home and Interiors, BBC Home, Femina, Marie Clare and The BIBLE- 'Cosomopolitan' ;)

Btw, my magazinewallh gives them all free to read because I am his regular patron for pirated books.

5. Favorite smells?

leathery, tobbaco notes.

6. Favorite sounds?

Wind Chimes

7. Worst feeling in the world?

That no one cares about you whether you live or die.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?

Do I really have to go to gym? Why can't I go tomorrow? Let's go in the evening.

9. Favorite fast food place?

Roadside Momos with lot's of chilly garlic chutney. My mouth is watering as I type this. I like it because it's healthy ( by not being oily), spicy and most importantly cheap.

10. Future child’s name?

hahaha, may be I will adopt one. Zarita: Meaning princess in spanish

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?

go on holiday..I have never gone on a holiday in the real sense.

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

No. Never slept with stuffed toys. Though, I do need big cushions to support me

13. Storms - cool or scary?

Cool

14. Favorite drink?

Mojito..Though, I hardly drink I like mojito because of it's sweet and mint flavor

15. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?

I have all the time in world...I get terribly bored on weekends even to start thinking of five good reasons why I should not commit suicide.

16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?

No.

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?

it would be Red. I have a thing for red heads. Kate Walsh, Julianne Moore, Cynthia Nixon

18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?

that would be giving too much detail. More so because, they are so tiny town that it will hard to locate on a map.

19. Favorite sports to watch?

Gay and Sports?? You must be kidding. But, hey, I don't mind watching some hot wrestlers fighting it off, or those hot swimmers ;)

20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?

She is very sensitive and emphatic. At times, knowing exactly what you feel without you having ot clearly articulate it.

21. What’s under your bed?
Some old mattresses. Wish it was Ranbir Kapoor.

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again?

I am not too sure

23. Morning person, or night owl?

Night Owl

24. Over easy, or sunny side up?

Over.

25. Favorite place to relax?
My bed

26. Favorite pie?
Blueberry

27. Favorite ice cream flavor?
Lytchee

Parent's Trap

Currently, I am halfway thru reading the book ‘Go Kiss the World’ by Subroto bagchi. In this book, Subroto bagchi chronicles his life from a small town in tribal Orrisa to setting up Wipro’s American business to becoming an entrepreneur while he was still in his forties.The book is divided in three section. The first section deals with his early childhood and education. I am  still on second section where he has delineated his professional life from a Management trainee to selling software. 

I picked the book because, like Subroto bagchi, I too come from a very small town. However, I still have long to go in my career before I can recount my tale saying how such and such things influenced me. Oddly enough, the reason for this post is different.  Mr. Bagchi recalls how his parents, brothers have influenced him and shaped up his values.

If I ask myself how much if my parent I see in me, I would say a little. But if you ask me a different question, how much of my parents I want to see of in me; the answer would be none. Not because I hate them, or dislike them but because they have never been close to any role model I could have envisaged while I grew up, or even now for that matter.

I have been told that every one has an image or an idea of a person who they like to be like, emulate or just follow in his/her footsteps. Every MBA aspirant is asked to prepare this question before an interview. I had done it too, but we will come to that later. By the way, the favorite and most clichéd ( at least I find it clichéd ) role model for Indian students is Dhiru Bhai Ambani. What psychologists tell us is that our choice of role model tells a lot about our personality, especially the values which are closest to our heart. For instance, if someone has Kiran Bedi as their role model, this would signify they value honesty, bravery above all. Dhiru Bhai Ambani would stand for ‘wealth creation, Narayan Murthi would stand for ‘ethicaly making money’ and so forth.

I didn’t know this whole theory of values being hidden or rather manifested in the choice of role model one chooses. Therefore, I had done my selection based on whatever little I knew of the world by then. I had decided that my choice had to be not just politically correct, but also a little different. Zara hatke, you know.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to think that hard and I chose a role model who was not very well known but she was different and really represented what I wanted to embody. My role model was Aruna Roy. When I got to know about the values theory, it struck a big chord with me because I immediately knew what value I admire most.

Sacrifice: that was what I admired most. ( I am using past tenses because this was all happening five years back. I may or may not hold the same opinion now)

Now, after a rather long detour, the way I keep making, this book again made me think. Will there be anything about my parents that I would have to tell when I start chronicling my life. Things on how my parents were so great, how they instilled many great values, or what my mother told me as a ten year old kid had stayed with me all the life. The truth might be a little different. I was sure about it five years back, and after becoming saner and more mature in these last five years, I can confidently say that there has been no life lesson that I had imbibed from my parents. Except, yes there is a small matter, because I always like to give credit where it’s due, let me add I am thankful that my parents never harbored any communal feelings towards other religions which has made me quite pro muslim and tolerant. But this is more like the medical ethic: “Do no harm". So, I don’t give them much credit.

In India, especially, there is a tendency to hero worship our parents. I don’t know whether this stems from lack of objectivity or simple fact. But more often, I find the former case a bit stronger. We all as human beings don’t always remain rational, and see things thru a tinted glass when it comes to our personal lives. This might be true in the reverse case as well, where some one like me becomes excessively belligerent instead of becoming fond of his/ her parents. The point is it's difficult to have a balanced objective view point of two people we are closest to.

I always disliked when other kids talked about their parent in reverence. I used to believe everything they said about their parents at face value and compared that to my parents. My parents had too many weaknesses. Weaknesses that they never made any effort to conceal or even temporarily hide. It was all too open. Every one knew about it. They even started rejoicing in it. It was not as if they were distant or I didn’t love them. It’s just that I could never revere them. Because all their faults, weaknesses, pain and foibles were too obvious to me. I couldn’t start pretending that everything was normal in my household. But it was very normal to live in an abnormal house because you never knew the other way, the way I wrote about it here.

It was tough to be different. But western world is full of such stories where we don’t have to deduce a person’s success/ intelligence from his pedigree. Steve Jobs is a great example of that. I just hope that someday I also get in a position to advise people to get off their baggage.

Save Me

There are bad days, and then there are some not so bad days. 

But bad days persisit. 

Or rather I hold them close so they don't slip and fade away.

Memories are very deceitful, 

we forget what we have not forgotten.

And it all comes back, gushing, swamping with a force to

trample you, when all you want is it to seize you.

You want it to go bad. You try.

Try very hard to make things worse if it's not bad.

This self abuse, masochism has been entrenched hard.

keep rubbing the wound so it doesn't heal,

keep breaking off the ties so it doesn't hurt.

I keep my eyes closed so that no one can see my pain.

It's futile.

haha, isn't that stupid?

Stupid and Futile!

I do stupid things to cleanse myself of senstivity.

To ignore what other's ignore so peacefully.

To conform what people expect me to conform to.

Will I ever stand up for what I am?

But I don't know what I want to stand up for,

or who I am?

p.s The title of the post is taken from 'Save Me' by Jem from Grey's Anatomy's soundtrack. It's not a SOS

In which we get attcked and Come Out

Last week was very hectic of sorts. I had a charade of thing going on at the workplace where people were gathered and supposed to ideate at the new innovation station, in other words it was a week long training program where the only reason people showed some intermittent interest in the proceedings was when they wanted to win some brownie points in front of their Bosses. In our B-school days, we used to call it DCP, for the uninitiated it's short for Desperate Class Participation. I have never been known for my loquaciousness either at the B-school I went or the place I am working now, but I do make concessions especially if I am trying to seduce somebody with decent appreciation for english language with my Ally Mcbealesque blabbering- which incidentlly I used to find very cute but which also has backfired everytime without exception.

And my laptop has got infected with virus. I had heard so much about why not to download stuff from torrent sites and all, but never paid any heed. What is life without some bit of adventure thrown in?? ( yes, those of you who find my definition of adeventure a little lame, and are smirking right now. Let me just say you are right. I play safe). Now, this particular virus or trozan or some sortof thing was supposed to be kinda removed by running some remedial pogram. But I think any kind of historic ethnic cleansing be it nazi holocaust or serbian state sponsered massacre have been unsucessful-thank god for that; and closer home when I tried to kill these viruses happily marauding the efficiently running processes on my Core 2 duo processor I was pushing my fight against fate and historically correct statistics. You can crush them, thwart them, but you cannot wipe them off the face of your machine :(.

So, I gave up after a while when things stated to look like they were in order and I submitted to the idea that I could do without the blazing speed of my pentium processor. ( which has never been so fast but haven't I worked on P II? Yes, I have ). To cut a long story short, I can't open any google sites from my machine due to this virus. Be it my gmail, orkut, reader or BLOGSPOT. Of all the notorious sites in this world, this virus had to attack or block or some such thing, the Google. Seriously?? I mean my job depends on it. I can't breathe if I am not able to google any unknown/ unfamiliar hottie that you guys keep mentioning on your blogs. Besides, any B-school gradute will tell you that how google has saved her from a life time of misery where earlier one had to run through tons of books in the library where you were not even allowed to play footsie, to make a presentation, and now you have google where everything is just a click away.

Ok, enuff of google worship. But, some of you would surely wonder if google is not working how I am ranting in the usual fashion. Well, I just had to excavte an antique laptop that once belonged to my great grandfather and weighs a thousand kilos, gets extremely hot and subsequently shuts down if I am not in an AC room and use it. It's dead slow but I need my moment of catharisis.

Hmm, I feel so much better.

P.S.Did I just mention I came out to someone. That too thru this blog.

Filmsy facades

We often show more of something when we are hiding it.

This line set me thinking, made me realize what a facade my life has been. And the real problem here is that I don't know who is the real me.

• I smile profusely when I am nervous. I tend to think I look better this way.
• I give a guffaw in the middle of a serious conversation when I see somebody has fielded my volley better than I anticipated.
• I try to be very nice to people who have been nasty with me, hoping in vain that they will see their folly.
• I can use the choicest of abuses in front of my family but I can hardly cuss elsewhere. I can never understand why?
  
• I don't laugh a lot so that no one may think I am flamboyant or flimsy.
• I refrain from befriending good looking people to reassure myself I am not that bad looking.
• I act with all normalcy- no excessive eye, lip, eye brow, wrist movement- so that no one may think I am queer. I give a different meaning to 'Stiff'.
  

I know, most of these may sound like I am a definite mental case. But as they say, acknowledging the malady is the first step in treating it; and here I don't want to be treated.

Ill effects of not blogging...

... for a long time is that you start thinking about everything that a post can be made about. And in that process, you end up accumulating so many threads that once you decide to actually start writing, the mind gets full of disparate threads like a hindi movies with eleven songs ( All hit ) without knowing how to structure them into a storyline.

So I have been thinking of doing a post on my dating experiences in delhi, a disastrous haircut I got last week, a few extra pounds that I gained while I gorged on sweets ( I love ghevar, It's seasonal so I have to eat it like a ritual), may be a post on my workout routine ( or lack of it), my unfinished painting classes, or probably something related to global economic slowdown. Ha, I'd never be able to write anything like that.

But I chose something easier which sparked my curiosity, and it will do good for ignorant souls like me as well.

As I have mentioned earlier how mainstream media is brandishing the gay cause, and with health minister's ministrations ( couldn't help the silly pun!), there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. HT city listed another place for heavy partying in delhi for our tribe.



Does anyone know what place they are referring to for dirty dancing?

In which I give my thanksgiving speech

Nine comments on my last post!! I have finally arrived on the blogging scene। Where does this lead me? Am I going to fret over what my next post is all about- the way rambws suggest in his post, or I will write random stuff?

Thank you guys for reading whatever tripe I post here, and taking time to comment on it. ( Do book reviews get more comments?? I must do a few quickly to boost readership)

I think I am little charged now. I have give my Blog a 'Make better'. But, trust me, I am not gonna be flamboyant. Understated, classic elegance is more like my style. However, before all of this I have to figure out how to get these embellishments for my blog. I need a new "skin" template ( I think they still call it skin, no they call it template..I desperately need to know the way I can cross Skin )

I will put link to all my favorite blogs and will basically copy everything from flygye. I think I have made pretty much clear that I am not an original. I like smart work and don't believe too much in hard work, so I can lift off ideas from hear and there and make nice potpourri.

But before all that happens, I am gonna do something. As I have never mentioned anywhere in my blog that I am an art lover and aspiring painter ( among other things)..I will put a few pics of my work. No, Flygye.! You don't get any prizes for goading me to paint at 11:30 in night so that I can put those images in the morning. Though, you can be little lenient about my claims of being an above average painter and criticize my work mildly.

Do I have anything else to write। Yes, a few lines in hindi. hehe.
आज शाम को जब हम काम से वापस आ रहे थे, तब हमने बहुत अरसे के बाद एक जादुई शाम देखी। जादू शायद हमारी निगाहों में था, याफ़िर थकान हम पे हावी हो रही थी। पूरा आसमान बैंगनी, गुलाबी, नारंगी और कत्थई रंगों से लबरेज धीरे धीरे रात की काली चादर ओढ़ रहा था। हम सब कभी कभी जिंदगी की भाग दौड़ में इस कदर मसरूफ हो जाते हैं की अपने इर्द गिर्द हो रही चीज़ों की तरफ़ हल्का सा भी ध्यान नही जाता, वो सब एक ढर्रे पे चलती हुईं तस्वीरें बन जाती हैं, जिनका कोई ख़ुद का वजूद नही होता। वोह सिर्फ़ बंधी होती हैं एक कड़ी से, जिसका एक सिरा बीते कल में और अगला सिरा आने वाले कल में होता है। एक ऐसी कड़ी जो हमें बांधे तो हैं, पर वोह किस से बंधी है , इसका अंदाजा नही है। ना हमें, ना उस वक्त को! आज की इस शाम ने हमें फ़िर से याद दिलाया की जिंदगी में खूबसूरती बिखरी हुई है, ज़रूरत है तो सिर्फ़ इसे अपने जीवन मेंभरने की! शायद ये कोशिश जारी रहेगी! इंशा अल्लाह !!

Is it Friendship or Fiend-ship??

I am often asked this question. It embarrasses me to no end and yet each time the answer remains same. It's not as if I have deliberately done something to maintain the status quo. May be I have been plain lazy. And if somebody is wondering what that question is. Let me come straight ( ??) to the point.

Have I made any friend ( read: Gay) in Delhi?

This question looks awfully simple but no matter how many times I answer this- whether to myself or some random guy I picked on chat rooms- the answer doesn't change. Yes, I have no friends in delhi. Leave aside question of his/her being straight or gay.

I have often tried to figure out the reason why I am alone in such a fun loving boisterous city. Am I that anti- social, boring, boorish, stupid or simply put what is wrong with me ? It's not that I have not come across people. I have my profile on a few networking sites where I do get responses; and last year I was a chat-oholic. I have met a few of them in real as well. Good people. Educated, articulate and some of them pretty hot too. But why those seemingly nice, intelligent guys have never bothered to remain friends with me. In fact, I have asked this question to a few people I have met that how many gay friends they have been able to make. And most of them surprised me by telling me that they do have a few very nice friends, some even have gay best friends. How I wish if I had even a single friend.

Let me first tell you why I want a friend. I live alone in this city. I hardly get to interact much at my workplace because of nature of work. Therefore, weekends are my worst nightmares. I have nothing else to do on weekend except reading. I love going out, intelligent conversation, exploring the city its monuments, eating at new places, shopping and works. But most of you realize that these activities are half as fun if done alone- or at least I find it boring after a time. I would love to have a friend for all these, not to mention my trips to gay pubs and discussing who looks hotter on the street.

I have found an answer to this question as well. Now, I am not one of those guys who blame others for everything and anything that happens to them. I feel most of the things in our life are in our locus of control- barring a few, of course. This discovery has not been without it's share of pathos. I have concluded that I do not have gay friends because I am an average looking guy. Ok, let me add something there. I am an average looking person with not so average intellect. Now, I know how facile this sounds, but trust me I have given due consideration. How else will you explain that people who are ready to sleep with me, who can have long conversation with me on phone for the entire day before meeting me, suddenly realize that they are far too busy with their life. In the first case, in all modesty let me say that- some very hot men have found me to be 'hot' and I don't blame them for objectifying me. hehe. In some case, we have done it and I have expressed my desire to be in touch with them, doing the things that I mentioned in the beginning. However,even the best of these guys perhaps follow the one meeting policy.

There is another category, where people go gaga over me. Only on phone that is. When we talk. they will coo sweet nothings and everything will be 'suggested' to be on offer. Hardly, there has been a case when the deal was cut.

Contrary to what my luck has been, I have found that every good looking guy- no matter how dubs he is- will have at least a few friends, that too equally hot, if not more. I fully know that how this gay world functions on whole concept of beauty and looks but what really perturbs is the shallow hypocrisy these people put up. Why do they have to embellish an 'Indecent Proposal' in the garb of friendship. Why can't we behave a little mature and start differentiating between friendship, love, sex and sex of casual nature.

Disclaimer: Whatever I have written here has also been given another name : Delhi Gay Dating. There are high chances that if you are not from Delhi, you would not have experienced this. Equally possible it is that you are a Delhite and goodlooking. So, I know that you are not part of the tribe.

Sex and the City Post

I went to watch Sex and the City movie on this Sunday evening. It was the only running show of the movie at 10 PM and I had nothing to do for the day, quite like all the other weekends. So, I decided to watch the movie alone. Before that I dropped on to a friend's place, who leads a completely insular life as he prepares for his civil services exams, and would be the last guy to know about sex and the city. I told him casually that I am going to watch this movie in an hour and did not even ask him to join me. Now, He dropped this information to some of the guys who live in his house as tenants when he went there to fix some problem.

Being a closeted a guy, I don't like people second guess me. It's not about whether or not they will be able to surmise about my sexuality, but more for my self satisfaction that I am this super intelligent dude who covers all his trails, leaving nothing behind for any one to think differently than what I want them to think ( I know it's weird )

The reason I do this is that I have in company of some super observant people-who I could sense had their reasons to doubt my sexuality. I remember- this very good friend of mine asking me in the middle of conversation, while we were surrounded by some six to seven other close friends if I was sure I was not gay. Much to his surprise, I knew he was up to some trick and I deftly passed that off as nonchalantly as I could. Why I mentioned all this is because I happened to bump into his tenant a few minutes later when he came again for something and we started talking. He gave me meaningful stares when he got to know that I was going for that movie alone. The movie being SATC.

I couldn't have cared less about what he felt. It was just a matter of always having the upper hand. Anyway, I decided to tell him I don't have any girlfriend and neither am I looking for one.

Let's talk about the movie. I have been a great fan of series and will tell you about its effect on my psyche while I was growing up in some other posts. Most of the comments I read later about the movie said the movie couldn't keep the promise of the series etc etc. But for me, I was too happy to see the foursome together on screen. I could empathize with some of the situations. I am a big fan of Samantha and Kim Katrall. I guess most gay men look up to her as an icon. She is unapologetic about anything she does. And subconsciously perhaps we all want to achieve that stage where we are completely in sync with out actions and thoughts. All in all, I had a great time watching the movie and it rekindled my spirits for all things glamorous and sassy. No wonder, I bought two shoes today!

I NV U ALL

I have just come from gym, still drenched in sweat, AC running on full blast in this humid Delhi weather, TV running in front me, and I am trying to blog something very imporatant. Not that important perhaps. I know, I will have second thought if I put this for some other time, In fact, I am strating to have thoughts while I am typing this.

A rant against every one and no one.

I hate cribing , I hate rants, and I will hate myself for writing this all. Because, I like to believe I am this super strong, emotionally insulated guy who can put up with everything. And lest that facade once again takes over my senses, my life, I am gonna spill it all out.

As I mentioned this post is going to be about rants, I am going to to use the word envy.

I envy: people who have both parents alive and caring for them.
I hate: when these people don't realize what they have got and all the time rant against how their parents don't understand them.

I envy: when I call someone and find their phone line busy
I hate: when no one calls me. I don't get personal calls often ( there aren't many 'official' calls either but that's a different issue) most often when I have left my cellphone for hours somewhere, i reach for it in anticipation only to find in return that there has not been a single call

I envy: people who are carefree. who don't give a damn about any one. who are ready to leave jobs/ career/ family without much thought.
I hate: when I keep deliberating and deliberating..and most often miss the window of opportunity

I envy: people who can use foul language
I hate: when i get uncomfortable when somebody uses foul languages and I somehow show my displeasure despite my full efforts at trying to disguise my expression

I envy: people who can remain slim with all that garbage that they keep eating
I hate: when I can't fit into my old clothes

I envy: all good looking people who are so fortunate to have born that way. how does the 'karma' theory fit in here?? Was I a sinner in past life or I am getting uglier because of bad karma?
I hate: people who have insane amount of money to spend on their looks