This line set me thinking, made me realize what a facade my life has been. And the real problem here is that I don't know who is the real me.
- I smile profusely when I am nervous. I tend to think I look better this way.
- I give a guffaw in the middle of a serious conversation when I see somebody has fielded my volley better than I anticipated.
- I try to be very nice to people who have been nasty with me, hoping in vain that they will see their folly.
- I can use the choicest of abuses in front of my family but I can hardly cuss elsewhere. I can never understand why?
- I don't laugh a lot so that no one may think I am flamboyant or flimsy.
- I refrain from befriending good looking people to reassure myself I am not that bad looking.
- I act with all normalcy- no excessive eye, lip, eye brow, wrist movement- so that no one may think I am queer. I give a different meaning to 'Stiff'.
I know, most of these may sound like I am a definite mental case. But as they say, acknowledging the malady is the first step in treating it; and here I don't want to be treated.
Posts
Well, I am bad at point 3 - and I really really want to learn to be nice to nasty people :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I second you on the abuse part :P
I guess you are perfect :-)
I'm surprised to find that I don't do any of these!
ReplyDeleteOMG, i too do most of the things :P
ReplyDeleteBut we all are perfect :D
Wow!
ReplyDeleteYou're a beautiful person, you know. You really are. And I say so because I'm half as beautiful as you, so you must be an altogether higher level.
i don't know much abt you, but i do know this: the "real you", as you put it, is all this and more - it's a discovery. and frankly, it's OK to be surprised, as you discover that little bit more. that's the whole point of life. :) and don't worry too much abt being queer or hiding it. think of it as discovery of the facades you adopt... and even in that discovery, you will tend to question their use/worth... as you have done here. cheers.
ReplyDeletebluemist--> I so wanna change myself about point three as well!!
ReplyDeleteand u are so nice to be saying things ;)
kris--> Thankfull, or else we would have been clones lost from a mad mallu scientist's lab
BloggingKnight--> i was obsessed with being 'perfect' ;)
I have given up!
USP--> Thank u, thank u, thank u
I love compliments..recently someone told me that I have never been acknowledged for what I have been..and I make it a point to thrust my 'goodness' at people...I guess he was right ;)
and I am far from perfect.
CT--> u knw, I am a huge fan of urs..regarding the facade thing, My real problem is I don't know which i facde and which is real me..I have started living the person I wanted to be, but still attached to the person I was, and there are no clear boundries ( do u think I shd see a shrink? ;)
Btw, guys I seriously have this fixation with being nice and perfect a la Bree van de Camp , and i get embarrassed when somebody tells me I am as uptight as her