In which we crib endlessly

Yesterday, Igot talking to a friend - technically not a friend but one of those people I am out to because of my existence on a gay social networking site- about our respective Sex love lives. Let’s call him Virtuous V. He has recently found someone for dating, which was quite evident from his radiant face and his efforts to lose weight, on the same website. I was more jealous than happy to hear that and I started to ask him about his affair and the ‘juicy’ details. In answer to which I got to know about his paramour’s 6’2” height and patiyala pedigree. He himself being a proud punju was beaming when he coyly discussed the stats, nevertheless I kept on nodding my head in strange detachment to this whole gay existential i-don’t-need-a-boyfriend epiphany that I had suddenly discovered.

I cribbed and whined about not getting responses, or rather ‘right’ response despite having a pretty ‘suggestive’ pic at the site. VV got amazed when I told him that I was getting lesser responses since that pic had been there for close to six months.

He gets amazed that I don’t have any ‘friends’ in the community as he has made five-six very good friends in spite of being super busy with two jobs. How did that happen, I ask him.  Ok, before that let’s go back how I got to know this guy.

VV messaged me on the same site around a year back telling me he was soon going to shift from Bombay to Delhi and was looking for possible boyfriend. Being the cynical guy I am, I gave him my standard reply that he was too goodlooking to be interested in me. He persisted and and I gave in by sending me my pics and phone number. Thankfully, he didn’t run away after seeing my pics . He would call me two to three times a day, interspersed with some inane SMS forwards which I found no time in deleting afterwards. He started talking about his area of work where I feigned some interest and asked him questioned after some bit of googling. Now, VV was highly educated, doing pretty OK in his career and most importantly sensitive enough to look over my average looks. ( He was sort of hottie, now I don’t find him that hot though)

So, what was the hitch.?

Most of the time, when I start interacting with anybody the question invariably turns to books. What books am I reading or have read etc etc? VV made a tactical mistake by telling me ‘Seven habits of highly successful people’ was the book he was reading then, and how life changing it had been for him. This particular book has its own importance in my life for being my first and last self help book I ever picked up ( didn’t have patience to finish that whole drivel). It was time for me to rethink. Here was a guy who waswilling to commit before we had even met once in person. Samantha Jones wouldn’t have approved of it and I concluded that he was too naïve, simple person.

 

Khair, to cut a long story short, much as I hate to judge people, I found him I was certainly not the person he was looking for. Later on, he came back to Delhi and I once pinged him once on the site to see how he was doing, and we kept in touch.

Yesterday, upon hearing my friendless, boyfriend less existence he asked me a few questions

Question 1 Do you follow up with the contacts you make ( read: hookups).

Answer1.Well, No!! I don’t follow up unless I am sure the person has brain and brawn. But I never call twice, and if the other person is not so enthusiastic, I don’t pester. 

Question 2: Do you make an effort to keep in touch with the people you like?

Answer 2: Sometimes yes. But, I have high self esteem. May be egoist. My best friend from school has not picked up my last three calls. People change, I know he has at least. I am not going to call him now. 

I am a taurean and very proud of being loyal in friendship or a relationship. I don’t do anything in half measure. I always think of others before me. My real friends who live everywhere except Delhi love me to the core. They make me feel what I think of myself without any inconsonance. 

Now, before I finish this rant I must add that though I am pretty cool guy, there are few things that perturb me. Chief among that is superciliousness. I like smart people and I know how to spot them. Secondly, I hate the favorite game played in Delhi Gay circle. Name dropping, precisely. I am not interested if you were invited to Rohit Bal’s Birthday party or how many times you had slept at Burman’s or Punj’s. I mean get a life guys.

Khair, enough of rant. I like abrupt endings.

Ill effects of not blogging...

... for a long time is that you start thinking about everything that a post can be made about. And in that process, you end up accumulating so many threads that once you decide to actually start writing, the mind gets full of disparate threads like a hindi movies with eleven songs ( All hit ) without knowing how to structure them into a storyline.

So I have been thinking of doing a post on my dating experiences in delhi, a disastrous haircut I got last week, a few extra pounds that I gained while I gorged on sweets ( I love ghevar, It's seasonal so I have to eat it like a ritual), may be a post on my workout routine ( or lack of it), my unfinished painting classes, or probably something related to global economic slowdown. Ha, I'd never be able to write anything like that.

But I chose something easier which sparked my curiosity, and it will do good for ignorant souls like me as well.

As I have mentioned earlier how mainstream media is brandishing the gay cause, and with health minister's ministrations ( couldn't help the silly pun!), there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. HT city listed another place for heavy partying in delhi for our tribe.



Does anyone know what place they are referring to for dirty dancing?

Am I too old for Crushes??

I am currently reading 'White Teeth' by Zadies Smith. Ms. Smith is much celebrated writer and this was her debut novel which found much favor among the literary circle. I had picked her second book ‘On Beauty’ around a year back and started reading it, leaving it midway – not because it was boring or something, it’s just that I think I was not in the right frame of mind.

The first thing that strikes you about her is her uncanny beauty, dark piercing eyes, high cheekbones, and that caramel complexion thanks to her interracial parentage. Another striking thing about her is that her first novel White Teeth came when she was only twenty five. In today’s age, where anyone who knows how to string a few words together, and becomes an aspiring writer , I feel it’s a really big feat to get yourself published and get all that laurels.

I haven’t finished White Teeth and thereby I can’t write a formal review of the book ( Futile excercise I think, the book was published eight years ago). So why am I writing about her?? It’s because the book White Teeth- which was described as an Interracial tour the force, and which I thought would have to be dealing with Carrabian and English culture or amalgamation of it- is chiefly based on two couples: Bangladeshi couple and Jamaican English couple. I am close to half way through the book, and I can safely say that the main protagonists are Bangladeshi couple, unlike what I had surmised in the beginning.

Mian Samad and Alsana are two very unlike people and they share very few things other than their country of origin and the fact that they are married to each other. Now, coming to why I am writing about the book is a confession that I want to make.

Midway through the book, I realized how peculiar it is that the book is mirroring my feelings at present time. In the book, Mian Samad at the age of fifty seven is gripped by an intense infatuation- a desire which goes wrong against his faith, his standing, his age and his marital status- towards the music teacher of his twin sons in school. He repeatedly gets sexually aroused by mere thought of the teacher who he has met only for a few minutes in a PTA meeting. He can’t let her thought go, he is hard all the time and masturbation not being halal ( I don’t know the veracity of this) is in a continual ethical dilemma to do it.

Now, I have a very hot colleague of mine who I have recently started interacting more than I should. Though, I don’t find him super-intelligent ( a must for keeping me hooked to an individual), his easy manners, affability and good looks keep me interested in him. And to top it, this guy has six packs ( Never seen those but from the looks of his formal clothes I can make out a lot more than just his packs) with a great body. (Only minus point is he is shorter than me by two inches). Normally, I don’t like any competition to be close to me but this time I don’t care that much if he has better physique than me. ( I am not in a bad shape myself! Wink, wink).

One thing that keeps me intrigued is how or why this guy is single. He is good looking, intelligent, articulate, earns well, and has gone to good colleges. Not to mention, he has great fashion sense, h takes care of himself well. Is he a new age metrosexual male or I am reading too much here?? For Chrissake, he is a hot blooded punju who don’t give a damn about having new flings every fortnight!!

So, I don’t think I many have to explain how my situation is similar to Mian Samad and what’s keeping me awake/ disturbed/ aroused/ intrigued this entire weekend. In fact, I think this whole thing was reinforced in some way when I read it in the book and started imagining myself to write a similar novel in future with great deal of masala thrown in. I can call it ‘White Sheets”. I know that’s cheesy. But, aren’t wet dreams are made of ‘white sheets’ and ‘White teeth’

P.S: I wanted to do a post about comparing language style of British vs American authors; in fact, comparing Jhumpa Lahiri and Zadie Smith. I am not even remotely an authority on the subject of linguistics, nevertheless I think it will be an interesting post.

Queer Eye for Straight Guy

Queer eye for straight guy debuted last night on Discovery Travel & Living, and being none too wiser I had to watch it to ascertain the queer quotient for myself. I won't bore you with the details which can be aptly described as how five 'fab' gay men give a straight man a 'make better' ( not a typical makeover, you see) encompassing his appearance, wardrobe, kitchen, , household and social skills.

I was expecting it to be a lot more fab, a lot more sensational and a lot more colorful. I think, the creator and presenters would have been a little off key in the first few episodes to gauge audience reaction to the new concept. While doing my pre-research for the show I found out that the also drew some flak for stereotyping gay men...I found all of them to be quite different, not like where they all are pinky pansies or muscled butch; thereby presenting a spectrum of 'rainbow' colors.
As I am opposed to any kind of categorization, I do feel that you don't have to be gay to have a fashion sense or have a clean, organized room. But, I do have to admit, albeit reluctantly, that more often than not gay men are better equipped to take care of things that most straight men mundane/ boring/ superficial ( all silly excuses) either because of their conditioning or their being plain lazy.

Have I ever been asked if I am gay because of my 'skills' in fashion, cooking, interior decoration, personal hygiene apart from being sensitive ( last one is really limit)...Having super intelligent friends does have its downsides, and them knowing my orientation without me having to spill everything is one of those downsides. :)


Update: Caught the second episode too. But it's a little too dull for my taste. They pick up the dirtiest, most un-groomed person and create a make better. Anyone can do that. ( read: gay) Why hire five people when I alone can do as much a good job :)

Is it Friendship or Fiend-ship??

I am often asked this question. It embarrasses me to no end and yet each time the answer remains same. It's not as if I have deliberately done something to maintain the status quo. May be I have been plain lazy. And if somebody is wondering what that question is. Let me come straight ( ??) to the point.

Have I made any friend ( read: Gay) in Delhi?

This question looks awfully simple but no matter how many times I answer this- whether to myself or some random guy I picked on chat rooms- the answer doesn't change. Yes, I have no friends in delhi. Leave aside question of his/her being straight or gay.

I have often tried to figure out the reason why I am alone in such a fun loving boisterous city. Am I that anti- social, boring, boorish, stupid or simply put what is wrong with me ? It's not that I have not come across people. I have my profile on a few networking sites where I do get responses; and last year I was a chat-oholic. I have met a few of them in real as well. Good people. Educated, articulate and some of them pretty hot too. But why those seemingly nice, intelligent guys have never bothered to remain friends with me. In fact, I have asked this question to a few people I have met that how many gay friends they have been able to make. And most of them surprised me by telling me that they do have a few very nice friends, some even have gay best friends. How I wish if I had even a single friend.

Let me first tell you why I want a friend. I live alone in this city. I hardly get to interact much at my workplace because of nature of work. Therefore, weekends are my worst nightmares. I have nothing else to do on weekend except reading. I love going out, intelligent conversation, exploring the city its monuments, eating at new places, shopping and works. But most of you realize that these activities are half as fun if done alone- or at least I find it boring after a time. I would love to have a friend for all these, not to mention my trips to gay pubs and discussing who looks hotter on the street.

I have found an answer to this question as well. Now, I am not one of those guys who blame others for everything and anything that happens to them. I feel most of the things in our life are in our locus of control- barring a few, of course. This discovery has not been without it's share of pathos. I have concluded that I do not have gay friends because I am an average looking guy. Ok, let me add something there. I am an average looking person with not so average intellect. Now, I know how facile this sounds, but trust me I have given due consideration. How else will you explain that people who are ready to sleep with me, who can have long conversation with me on phone for the entire day before meeting me, suddenly realize that they are far too busy with their life. In the first case, in all modesty let me say that- some very hot men have found me to be 'hot' and I don't blame them for objectifying me. hehe. In some case, we have done it and I have expressed my desire to be in touch with them, doing the things that I mentioned in the beginning. However,even the best of these guys perhaps follow the one meeting policy.

There is another category, where people go gaga over me. Only on phone that is. When we talk. they will coo sweet nothings and everything will be 'suggested' to be on offer. Hardly, there has been a case when the deal was cut.

Contrary to what my luck has been, I have found that every good looking guy- no matter how dubs he is- will have at least a few friends, that too equally hot, if not more. I fully know that how this gay world functions on whole concept of beauty and looks but what really perturbs is the shallow hypocrisy these people put up. Why do they have to embellish an 'Indecent Proposal' in the garb of friendship. Why can't we behave a little mature and start differentiating between friendship, love, sex and sex of casual nature.

Disclaimer: Whatever I have written here has also been given another name : Delhi Gay Dating. There are high chances that if you are not from Delhi, you would not have experienced this. Equally possible it is that you are a Delhite and goodlooking. So, I know that you are not part of the tribe.

Pink is the new navy blue of Delhi

I think there is a strong upsurge of sorts when it comes to all things that are queer in this town. A newly looking HT city was recently launched with not just extra pages, more city beats, but services of a few 'gay' writers are also employed to generate enough pink interests in the city tabloid. A few queer blogs- to say so have sprung up too. Having said that, frankly speaking, I find this as a healthy trend where marginalised issues are being covered in prominent dailies. I don't know what reaction the self professed morality brigade will have on this, but I am sure very soon when they have run out of inane issues , they will launch an attack on the daily on charges of corrupting impressionable youth.

Notwithstanding this fact, I had decided at the beginning of this blog that it is not going to be a gay centric blog. Being gay is just part of my personality, and I am more than confident that there are many interesting things about me than who I sleep with. I have been a great fan of ' sex and the city' kind of columns, and HT media does a docile take on the same titled ' single in the city'; however I find it much more interesting to reach out to anyone( whoever reads it, I know there are not many) with my ideas, opinions and quirks. So, I have blogged about books, movies, favorite TV shows, friends, family and being gay among others.

On second thoughts, I do think that I should write much more on my love/sex life ( which is very dull at the moment, so all hot guys mail me if you are reading this). So in random order, I will write a few things that talks about such stuff

1. I have been to only four dates in my life. I can make it five but the last one was not actually a date, but rather a cute guy who happened to be friend of a friend's friend and whom I literally stalked, on gay networking sites, of course.
2. Now, let this not mislead into thinking that I have been pure as Victorian damsel. As any gay guy worth his pink t-shirts will tell you, we can't do without enough sex. And there is never enough sex for us. Though, I was never as 'active' as most of the people in the fraternity are, I have had my share of fun. Though, I must mention that I still not have hopped to three figure for number of men I have had fun with.
3. I would never have paid sex, except for, of course, when I was doing research on my forthcoming book, which was inspired by 'Laaga Chunari Mein Daag', needless to add the idea of the book was dropped when the film sank.
4. I can be very pliable around people except when they take me for granted and presume that I would not be able to differentiate genuine affinity from affected opportunism.
5. I am little too touchy about being a 'thinking' gay who unlike his straight counterparts retains his aesthetic sensibilities, in simpler terms- does not deny his sexuality a chance to express itself in his tastes
6. Lastly, as the Loreal ad says, I am very demanding when it comes to MEN. It works the opposite way for me. The longer I have been away from something, My craving gets bigger and I will only want the best, and nothing 'short' than that.
   

Home Truths part II

After my last post, I have suddenly discovered writing about 'home truths' is as much fun as reading them in assorted magazines ( One of my favorite section in any magazine, specially the seedy hindi type)..Last night when I hit bed, the only time when my starts thinking coherently - for too little time, as I get too tired on a regular day - I started thinking about the life I led as a child. Today, when I look around and see parents going out of their way to manage the lives of their kids, I envy, at the same time, feel blessed not have such haranguing parents. More importantly, as a kid, I always used to think, my life is devoid of any color and fun. I used to hear people talking about city life and the range of activities it offers. It was all so enticing at that time, and I used to feel so cheated as to why on earth I have to live in a town where people have no culture, social life or scandals.

Scandals: Interesting word. Life is what happens to you, when you are busy making other plans. Little did I know, that the life I am leading has scandals all around. ( When I look back, I feel there so many scandals all around me that I can guest write a few episodes of Desperate Housewives, and may be better than what their writers do.) But, the amazing part is that I never got any sugarcoated/ simplified version of things that might suit a child's wild imagination, as parents of today like to believe that they have to protect their child from all such gyans. but, not the people I knew of. They were blase and open about it, even discussing it in front of the children ( with careful selection of words, so not to give much, but I was smarter than they thought). Today I can see that they did not wear their morality on their sleeves, They all knew that everyone is upto something and the best policy is to live and let live, instead off making a huge tamasha of the whole thing. So, adultery, pedophilia, bestiality, suicides and homosexuality were the staple affairs of the people where I grew up with.

Speaking of homosexuality, let me recall the first gay couple I knew of. I must have been some seven or eight years old, and used to play with all the kids from the colony where I lived. There were different informal groups where kids of certain age used to play together, me too playing with kids of the same age bracket. I saw a young boy, barely sixteen or seventeen, who started coming to play with us. He was tall , good looking and wore stylish clothes ( That included wearing crochet vests-so popular with Muslim folks then, and perhaps Mithun Chakravarti had worn them at that time in one his movies- which show more of your body than cover it). To add to his charm was, the cigarettes that he used to smoke. the fact that he was young and could smoke so freely in front of others fascinated me a lot. For me it was some kind of independence assertion. However, the fact that he smoked made him a pariah for at least me. ( Thinking of it now, it amuses me the reasoning of mother that smoking is so much worse than being gay). So, I had been told not to get much close to him lest he offers me something to chew/ eat or smoke ( I realize now he had other things than cigarettes he could have offered). But the point is, this fellow, Hassan, perhaps this was his name, was not from the colony and had a openly gay relationship with one of its inhabitants. The paramour of Hassan was no less extra ordinary. To begin with, he must have been of fifty at that time with a wife, around three or four kids and two grandchildren and a daughter- in -law, all living under the same one room house. His youngest son, who was not more than three-four year old than me, used to come to our house and played with me often. I still remember him telling my mom that Hassan lived like his mom in their household. I could not get this expression and wondered how this guy, all masculine and manly, be living like his mom who always wears saris and makeup. It baffled me, but not for long. Birds and bees were in the offing, and with my acquired knowledge I could put two and two together. What, till today, intrigues me is the acceptance of their relationship by his wife, his family and the society at large. Today, when gay people feel discrimination, persecution and are often butt of joke in raunchy hindi movies, I am often reminded of this episode, how in the heart of small town India, people accepted such a thing without fuss and let others live their life. And yea, they did gossip ..as it was the only thing that gave them succor from their daily grind, but moral policing. No, that was not their game!!

Brothers and Sisters

I am not a professional TV reviewer, neither am I in nay way connected with scripting, dialogue writing or acting departments of soaps ( though I wish I could, but alas, there are as many things one can do in one's life), but I am all for quality TV watching. With all the free available time at my disposal, I am quite a keen TV watcher. Now, there was a soap, which was high on my wish list, and which I couldn't watch much because my hard-disk was full with all the three season of Grey's anatomy. The show was Brothers and Sisters. Now, god bless teh souls at Star Word wo decided to air this shown in India. The show has a stellar cast and two of favorite actresses viz Sally Fied and Calsita Flockheart. Calista is seen after her long hiatus, and with old episodes of Ally Mcbeal airing on Zee Cafe, it certainly has added to my fondness for her.

Brothers and Sisters is an altogether different show produced by the same guys as 'Alias', though it does feature a few actors from 'Alias' in important roles. And, yes, I almost forgot, the most important fact that it has a lead character playing a gay attorney. I know, it's so hard to get the above combination of gay + attorney ( anything related to do with brains in INDIA, If any guy disagrees and has brains, kindly drop me a message) when all the people who you meet either turn out to be working in a BPO or some shoddy fashion House. Speaking of fashion houses, I had watched entire jassi, and let me tell you that, I had huge expectations from Ugly Betty but it was such a damp squib. Jassi was much more interesting and entertaining. On the other hand, Ugly Betty looks like one of our saas -bahu soaps where a mystery woman schemes and plots to upstage the hero..so very balaji..they must sue these people.



So, I was talking about this whole Brother's and Sisters, and the reasons I like the show. First reason is that they shot in LA. Ohh, I love California weather and the whole sunny side of things..You don't get to see a single ugly frame. Secondly, I love families. I just love the fact that despite getting angry, fighting over, calling each other name, there will remain people who don't stop loving you. It sound so cliched, but to emphsize my point, one really realizes its importance when you don't have anybody to fight with, knowing that they will be there for you despite all that. Thirdly, I love Calista Flockheart ( I still don't know if I have got her name's spelling right. Google will be too much of a bother). She does not play Ally Mcbeal, but it'd hard to miss traces of here Mcbeal days. especially when she starts speaking real fast, and gets edgy about her relationships. she is a lovely actress, and I 'd like to see more of her..A little digression, Calista Flockheart auditioned for Teri hatcher's role in Desperate Housewives. I am glad that she didn't do that role, coz Teri is just so perfect.

Now comes the real clincher, the gay brother of Calsita, I don't like him per se ( in the sense I am not over the moon over him). But, it is such a relief to see someone playing gay role in a not stereotypical profession. He is not he best looking guy around, but its not as if you would not notice him if he were in a room. I know, I am sounding a little desperate housewives myself..maybe this obsession has been rubbed off from too much of ally Mcbeal,But who cares..I jsut wish there were more interesting people in this world.
ahhh..where are you, My Mr Right

What do you do to fight your blues??

It's so strange. You wake up one morning, after a late night, when you wanted to sleep peacefully and longed to have a sound sleep. But the sleep is anything but sound. Lack of proper sleep is not why I am writing this. Right now, the only thought that comes to my mind is-Do all bloggers blog because they don't have anybody to listen to, or They feel strongly about letting the world know what is happening in their lives.

The point is, I woke up this morning, after a bad night sleep, to find that my life is zero. Zero is not the word I am looking for here. because zero cant replace the word , shunya, in hindi, which means absolute nothingness, emptiness. I am not one of those who feel like this every morning, but it is now happening at an alarming frequency. Usually, I would try to appease myself by indulging in one passion or the other such as clothes, books, salon, shoes, accessories and other assorted items. But, as I mentioned, in my last post, most of these have lost their meaning to me. It doesn't give any kick or excitement.

I had to find new ways to amuse myself, so on Tuesday night I headed to Peg' n 'Pints, the mecca of Delhi gay society. It was an audacious step, at least by my standards, Going there, all alone, and try to hit on people. But, I was not there to hit on people. I just wanted to have a good time. A couple of guys did show interest in me, while dancing, but their attempts at undressing me on the dance floor completely put me off. I know, these are desperate time, but can't people get that sex is not the last thing defining one's existence. Over all, I had done well, considering how shy I am, I managed to go there, without getting lost and without looking a shoulder to hang on to. The high point of the evening was when a twenty something, turned to me at the bar, when I was trying to get my fix of diet coke, that I look 'cute'. Now this boy was barely out of his teens and had an air of puppy like innocence. I was gob smacked. This was the first time somebody had used a pick up line on me, and I knew that I am everything but cute. Anyways, I returned his compliments with a shy smile full of glee, asking him whether he really meant it. And the cute kid replied in affirmative. It felt so good to be seen by somebody's eyes and being appreciated.

The Night ended as I had expected it to. I knew I was not there for some casual encounter, as now I seek mental stimulation as well, which going by the reports-padma lakshami has stopped giving to Salman Rushdie and they have filed for divorce-coupled with the sensory 'stimulation'.
So I danced my heart out, rubbed shoulders with Suneet Verma, who looked quite polished quite unlike the Nikhi of Shantanu & Nikhil, and Shivraj Prasad-the oh so cute boy from NDTV. ( BTW, When I was growing up in a small town in north India, I always had the inkling that he has to be gay, was pleasantly surprised to see the correctness of my 'gaydar')