Here I come!

Ok. Perhaps I have not mentioned it earlier but since the time has come, I have to break it to the world.

I am in Amsterdam.

Yay! Yay! Yay!

That was my reaction when I was first told that I have to leave for Amsterdam in 10 days and stay there for 2 months. Well, I almost fainted when I got the news on phone but in my best affected english composure I played it very cool and cribbed about it being very cold right now. ( As if there are not methods to keep me warm!!)

So last night on a KLM Royal Dutch Airlines which I boarded from Delhi, I have arrived here. One digression, I was mightily impressed by their crew where each member spoke at least four languages ( I could make out English, French, German and Spanish). I really need to brush up my spanish if have to scores with any latinos here.

I will update it more often then usual. I promise. Until then. Hasta pronto

In which we resurface

So I have been away. If I start giving reasons on why I was away, I would not have many. But the primary and most important reason has been my laidback attitude. When I am writing this post right now, I am thinking ( in the age old ways of psycho analyzing myself) what has changed that has made me write this post. Probably it’s the onset of autumn. There is slight dew in the air, days are brighter, sunlight is crispier and there is a strange sweet smell in the air. I wonder how these seasonal patterns correspond so well to hindi calendar. Tomorrow, I guess is the first nav-ratra ( going by the stall selling pooja samgri), and though I have no interest, inclination or belief in these things I feel nostalgic of the days when my mother would send me buy some last minute thing that she had forgotten.

Khair. Enough of reminiscence! I have cribbed a thousand times on how my life is so boring and uninteresting that I have nothing to write, that I feel guilty now that so many interesting things have happened recently and I have been darn lazy to write about any of them/

First things first. I got myself tested for HIV. My second time. It was something I had been planning, procrastinating and afraid to do for long for simple reasons. Every day, I would pass by this lab and stop and look at the sign board thinking wheather I would need a prescription to ask for the test, and what the people at the counter, the lab assistant who may take my blood sample will think. Will that make me look gay, or they will think I am a promiscuous bitch?

I am sure they have better things to worry about than these things when its their daily routine to come across jerks like me. So there I was, two weeks back at Lal path labs mustering all my courage. I asked the lady at the counter for a HIV/ ELISA test. ( I had got it done first when I found a hicky on my chest which looked a lot like what caposi sarcoma looked on Tom Hanks in Philadelfia.) The person who took my blood sample was as nonchalant as I expected him to be. Though I wanted to run away from there asap, he made me sit and hold the cotton on the point where sample was taken. And did it feel like eternity, sitting there surrounded by that eeky spirit and phenyl air?

I am sure most of you have seen the SATC episode where Samantha ( Btw, did any one check out the new movie’s pics? They all look fab.) gets her test done and she is anxious to get her results while waiting in the hospital lobby to be called any moment to get that counselling. Dr Lal labs saved me from that torture since they have online reports. I can’t begin to imagine to collect a test report finding oneself positive. With my heartbeats going up and staying there, I opened and found it was negative. It was negative. ( on second thoughts, I think if I was a better writer, I’d have begun with the suspense of the test and not broken out the news that it was negative in the first line itself. The way I see it, I too can do it. Just that I am lazy. J )

Hmm, the second thing. I finally met the designer and my notting hill moment did not just stay as an audio conversation. He was actually very nice and cordial and horny . I had already gotten over with the whole thing, so it came as a positive surprise. Peace.

Last month, I also decided that I needed to beautify myself so I invested in a chemical peel session. And I just looked like Samantha when she had got her peel done. ( for those who havn’t seen SATC, go watch it. You have no excuse). It was horrible. I had to be not only indoors but confined to my little apartment. I face resembled a desiccated currant, and no way I could have gone to work looking like that. ( yes, being a style icon does have its downsides). Thankfully, the swine flu scare was at its peak and I cleverly excused myself from going to work by telling people that I have Cold. Anyway, my ordeal lasted for one whole week and I could see a lot of suppressed smiles on my neighbors when I picked my morning newspaper ( only time I went out of home in 7 days). For those who are interested in knowing the results of the experiment can write to me, I will send them before, after and ‘in between’ pics.

P.S. I have been thinking of late why I chose 'TLOB' as my blog alias. I had finished reading the book when I started this blog. To rediscover my quirks, I went back to the book and fell in love with it. I will write a review soon, I think, at least, my alias deserves that,

The Monsoon Hungama

It's finally raining here, and what do rains bring with them? Raincoats, umbrellas, chai pakoras, rainy day etc. But being a responsible adult I have gotten over most of these things except one. Yes, Discount sales. This is the time of the year when all the brands I have been eying for past summer season are available for some discount, provided there are some pieces still left in my size. ( Is this only me or does everyone feel that they never get the size of a particular outfit they desire most?)

Speaking of shopping, it always makes me feel good, however short natured my happiness may be post that binge. It's for nothing that they call it retail therapy. There is another thing that takes over me everytime I enter a mall. I feel like a man possesed. I feel like there is a greater calling for me there. I feel I am here for a mission and I have to salvage the earth from these hoardes of shoppers who have come to find precisely those same things which could make my life so better. I have to be quicker, faster and better in findings those items than these lesser mortals and save humanity. I try hard. I scan every one around. Every one else is suspicious of every one else's intention. We are all competing in the same pool, one better be. Resources are scarce, and there is too high a demand ( trust me, you will feel the same way when you see the que outside Benetton showroom in CP. And yes, the que was for billing ).

Well, you win some and you lose some. Not always I grab the best stuff. ( most of the times you can't really wear it till next season. So one has to be Patient.) But I do have reputation for haveing the eye for the best stuff. Stuff which people overlook. Stuff I know will look on a a body than a clothes rack.

So, this year, or rather this sales season, I am holding myself a bit. Reason is the great economic situation. I had a negligible salary raise which can't even compesate for the inflation, let alone for my fashion needs.

But I am happy. There is always a next sale season to stuff on the gooddies.

hmm...I am sleepy and tired

Yes, that's what you do when you surf till late night and wait for things to happen to you. On top of it, when I woke up this morning, picking up my daily dose of newspaper I saw the headline say " Did you see the longest solar eclipse of the centuary?". Ahh, now they are making us feel guilty for sleeping late. Or rather waking late.

I can be least bothered. I am not gonna give any 'daan' becuase of the eclipse, that's so Pagan. I wish we indians had some more objectivity and we could start questioning the expected beliefs. And I bet any one who has experienced the nuisance caused by 'Kaanwariyas' will surely be put off by this brand of religion.

Now, this reminds me to declare that I am not religious at all. I am not proud of it, nor I am concerned. It's something fact of the matter. Chris: if you read this, I'd like to know what you think. Btw, I know that you sleep with your Blue book beside your bed table.

In which I get really Happy Happy

So it has finally rained in Delhi. Like I once prophesized, my mood is closely linked to Delhi Weather, and it was getting fouler by each passing day. The only reason kept me going to workplace was excellent cooling they provided in the premises, and the power cuts at home. Yes, all the reports of power cuts that you see on TV are not, for once, fabricated. ( Most of the time, all the nuisance makers start pelting stones etc on their object of scorn- Police station, Power station, Buses – only when they see a TV camera close by). Coming back to all things cool, it has become much cooler and humid. I don’t mind humidity as much as that searing heat which has tanned me in not a good way. I am thinking of de-tanning solutions. Any suggestions?

Since I last blogged almost a month back there is so much to post.

But before that let me just announce to the world that I feel happy.

Happy and content after a long time. And it’s just not the rains that have made me happy.

I like things sorted out. All the rationales, explanations each neatly applied into their right respective problem areas. I get my answers mostly from what I read, what I observe, who I meet etc.

This time I know there have been lots of triggers but it’s mostly the realization of how good life has been, or rather there are far more positives in life than negatives in my life.

Like I mentioned before, I have taken reading Marian Keys with a vengeance. I am on my second book ‘Last Chance Saloon’, though this is one guilty read, I enjoy her enormously. The book deals with friendships, love and cancer. Yes, chick lit is the least place one would expect Cancer to be written about.

I have never written about it earlier but reading about the disease and the various tests, chemo, radiotherapy affected me deeply since I have had a close encounter with the ghastly disease myself.

Three years back my mother succumbed to the disease. It was not the best time for any of us in our family. I know how it sounds when you say it was not best, but cancer was not the only thing that was going against our family. In the book, when I read about how the patient goes for bone marrow test, and how actually despite being given local anesthetic the needle has to prick the actual bone marrow which can’t be numbed for the sample. I remembered the day my mother went into that tiny room after a wait of two hours in the intolerable heat of that dingy hospital. She never told us back how painful it was. At that time, our only concern was to pray for test results to come negative.

But do things ever turn out the way we want? We got the bad news soon that cancer had spread to bone marrow too. In other words, she was on the last stage of cancer.

Before all this happened, cancer was a deadly word. It was something that happened to others. Something that only a few really unfortunate ones get. As is the human tendency, our first response was “why me?”.

Our visits to the hospital answered that question. There were young three year olds kids being treated for cancer and one has to have some nerves to speak to his mother asking his conditions.

There was a pretty young teenager girl who was not just tonsured because of chemo she had stitches on her head. Yes, her brain was operated for removing tumors.

While, we were not actually very lucky either.

There were many rounds of chemotherapy. Her low hemoglobin level before each chemo session required us to find blood donors for every round, and soon we exhausted our friends and acquaintances as potential blood donors because you need three months break before you can donate blood again. We got friends of friends and people who just heard about it and came to donate the blood in the hospital.

Before one session, her blood platelets count dropped abysmally low. If I remember correctly, 5-6 blood samples would make up for one platelet bag. I was too busy arranging for blood that I never had time to mourn her disease.

As I am writing these, I am reliving those horrors. I had read one of tendulkar’s interviews where he said a visit to a cancer ward in a hospital gave him new perspective on life.

My perspective changing moment came too. Perhaps all too soon.

I still remember the deafening cries at the time of one of our earlier chemo sessions when a patient died in the next room. Though, the wife was crying at least hundred meters away from our ward, there was nothing else you could hear in that ward. All other patients and their families had a look which spelt despair and death. Though we all knew that anyone among our loved ones can be the next one to go, we tried hard to look normal. I smiled and tried some normal banter to make it look like an ordinary thing, but I knew in my heart that it was our worst fears coming true.

There were so many moments when I actually thought if it was happening to me. One thing, I took from that experience and which I had forgotten about was the fact that “ why make all the fuss”. I know it’s a very fatalistic approach but perhaps I don’t push myself that hard for things which I know are very trivial when you compare them to cancer.

What if I don’t conoodle with my boss and impress him so he gives a big raise and sends me to an exotic locale for work (Yes, that happens in our company for some ‘lucky’ people). I don’t try that hard. I do my work and let my work speak.

I may not be going to Colombia (despite learning Spanish) or Greece, I have a well paying job. I am quite healthy, though I still have some way before I can de-lard myself completely; people still compliment me on my physique ( in a non sexual way)

I may not be the most intelligent guy on planet, but my colleagues respect me for my knowledge and opinion, and frankly I am trying to give a damn to what people think of me.

I mean if I start counting the things which are in my favor, they will far outnumber my whining list. So I have decided to do one thing. Throw that list to some corner of my head and tell everyone that life is really good.