What do you do to fight your blues??

It's so strange. You wake up one morning, after a late night, when you wanted to sleep peacefully and longed to have a sound sleep. But the sleep is anything but sound. Lack of proper sleep is not why I am writing this. Right now, the only thought that comes to my mind is-Do all bloggers blog because they don't have anybody to listen to, or They feel strongly about letting the world know what is happening in their lives.

The point is, I woke up this morning, after a bad night sleep, to find that my life is zero. Zero is not the word I am looking for here. because zero cant replace the word , shunya, in hindi, which means absolute nothingness, emptiness. I am not one of those who feel like this every morning, but it is now happening at an alarming frequency. Usually, I would try to appease myself by indulging in one passion or the other such as clothes, books, salon, shoes, accessories and other assorted items. But, as I mentioned, in my last post, most of these have lost their meaning to me. It doesn't give any kick or excitement.

I had to find new ways to amuse myself, so on Tuesday night I headed to Peg' n 'Pints, the mecca of Delhi gay society. It was an audacious step, at least by my standards, Going there, all alone, and try to hit on people. But, I was not there to hit on people. I just wanted to have a good time. A couple of guys did show interest in me, while dancing, but their attempts at undressing me on the dance floor completely put me off. I know, these are desperate time, but can't people get that sex is not the last thing defining one's existence. Over all, I had done well, considering how shy I am, I managed to go there, without getting lost and without looking a shoulder to hang on to. The high point of the evening was when a twenty something, turned to me at the bar, when I was trying to get my fix of diet coke, that I look 'cute'. Now this boy was barely out of his teens and had an air of puppy like innocence. I was gob smacked. This was the first time somebody had used a pick up line on me, and I knew that I am everything but cute. Anyways, I returned his compliments with a shy smile full of glee, asking him whether he really meant it. And the cute kid replied in affirmative. It felt so good to be seen by somebody's eyes and being appreciated.

The Night ended as I had expected it to. I knew I was not there for some casual encounter, as now I seek mental stimulation as well, which going by the reports-padma lakshami has stopped giving to Salman Rushdie and they have filed for divorce-coupled with the sensory 'stimulation'.
So I danced my heart out, rubbed shoulders with Suneet Verma, who looked quite polished quite unlike the Nikhi of Shantanu & Nikhil, and Shivraj Prasad-the oh so cute boy from NDTV. ( BTW, When I was growing up in a small town in north India, I always had the inkling that he has to be gay, was pleasantly surprised to see the correctness of my 'gaydar')