Nocturnal Colorful Experiments

I am putting a few pics which I painted late last night, and considering I had ten others things to do- filing my tax returns, chief among them- I was happy to digress from the usual routine and let my baser instinct take over me. The results are not great. Blame it on camera or the paper I used ( I still haven't been able to locate the art supply shop in Def Col), but it surely looks better on paper. Since I have started dabbling in colors again, I will keep posting my experimentations..

On the subject of my inspiration, I like doing flower or landscape in watercolor. A landscape would have taken 2-3 hours with all those washes and detail that I chose flower over it. Anyway, painting flowers puts me in cheerful mood. I like the bright colors. So here I have. Carnation and Narcissus for all my readers ( and non- readers as well)

In which I give my thanksgiving speech

Nine comments on my last post!! I have finally arrived on the blogging scene। Where does this lead me? Am I going to fret over what my next post is all about- the way rambws suggest in his post, or I will write random stuff?

Thank you guys for reading whatever tripe I post here, and taking time to comment on it. ( Do book reviews get more comments?? I must do a few quickly to boost readership)

I think I am little charged now. I have give my Blog a 'Make better'. But, trust me, I am not gonna be flamboyant. Understated, classic elegance is more like my style. However, before all of this I have to figure out how to get these embellishments for my blog. I need a new "skin" template ( I think they still call it skin, no they call it template..I desperately need to know the way I can cross Skin )

I will put link to all my favorite blogs and will basically copy everything from flygye. I think I have made pretty much clear that I am not an original. I like smart work and don't believe too much in hard work, so I can lift off ideas from hear and there and make nice potpourri.

But before all that happens, I am gonna do something. As I have never mentioned anywhere in my blog that I am an art lover and aspiring painter ( among other things)..I will put a few pics of my work. No, Flygye.! You don't get any prizes for goading me to paint at 11:30 in night so that I can put those images in the morning. Though, you can be little lenient about my claims of being an above average painter and criticize my work mildly.

Do I have anything else to write। Yes, a few lines in hindi. hehe.
आज शाम को जब हम काम से वापस आ रहे थे, तब हमने बहुत अरसे के बाद एक जादुई शाम देखी। जादू शायद हमारी निगाहों में था, याफ़िर थकान हम पे हावी हो रही थी। पूरा आसमान बैंगनी, गुलाबी, नारंगी और कत्थई रंगों से लबरेज धीरे धीरे रात की काली चादर ओढ़ रहा था। हम सब कभी कभी जिंदगी की भाग दौड़ में इस कदर मसरूफ हो जाते हैं की अपने इर्द गिर्द हो रही चीज़ों की तरफ़ हल्का सा भी ध्यान नही जाता, वो सब एक ढर्रे पे चलती हुईं तस्वीरें बन जाती हैं, जिनका कोई ख़ुद का वजूद नही होता। वोह सिर्फ़ बंधी होती हैं एक कड़ी से, जिसका एक सिरा बीते कल में और अगला सिरा आने वाले कल में होता है। एक ऐसी कड़ी जो हमें बांधे तो हैं, पर वोह किस से बंधी है , इसका अंदाजा नही है। ना हमें, ना उस वक्त को! आज की इस शाम ने हमें फ़िर से याद दिलाया की जिंदगी में खूबसूरती बिखरी हुई है, ज़रूरत है तो सिर्फ़ इसे अपने जीवन मेंभरने की! शायद ये कोशिश जारी रहेगी! इंशा अल्लाह !!

Enchantress of Florence

I just finished reading "enchantress of Florence" by Sulman Rushdie. It was my first Rushdie book. Though I had started reading "Moor's Last Sigh" a decade ago, I couldn't go beyond first few chapters. The language was too complex for me, and I had a terrible ( still do) habit of knowing the full meaning of every word before moving on. Ostensibly, at that time, I used to do this with every written thing that came my way especially the film glossies that were my staple read those days. It did help me while I was preparing my the MBA entrance exams and needless to add vocab was my favorite section. Now, I don't think there is anything left to say about the style magical realism, baroque style of Rushdie. However, I needed just three evenings (2-3 hrs daily) to finish this book.
The plot was revetting with so many literary devices thrown in that after a while I stopped paying heed to it and started enjoying the book. There was too much history thrown in, History of medival Italy, Mughal India and Turkey Ottoman empire. A few referances to sexual practices in those times did make it more engaging reading experience. And come to think of it, Rushdie writes that two third of florence was gay. Umm, Oliver Martinez!! where are you ??I am coming to you. ( Though, a quick google check tells me is he is of french spanish descent...oh never mind, I don't mind them either)

if any one of you ever reads movie reviews by Taran Adarsh, he has a line that he uses in every reivew. Classes vs Masses. Before I fall in the trap of reviewing this book, let me just say I found it an interesting read, somewhat pacy unlike other books I often pick up and it certainly have class for masses.

This post doesn't make much sense!

I was writing a message to an old friend turned foe, turned friend, turned 'somewhere in between friend and foe' guy and I wrote a line which made me realize how ignorant we sometimes become to our own emotions.

I can never hurt a person deliberately except me.

This line may sound as if I think too highly of myself, or I am some psuedo saint who wants to wallow in his own glory but this is so true of I have been living my life. Actually, there is another way this line can be interpreated and which when I analysed, to my horror, was so true as well. ( I mostly leave myself while psychoanalyzing the whole world for their motivation, action, inspiration)

We all have our dark sides, negative sides where we feel good about something bad, something nasty happening to someone we don't like. How happy we become when we learn that the colleague we were not so fond of was not promoted as well, the girl who was topper in our graduation batch has not done so well. I think German's have a word for this feeling which has slipped my mind. I will add it

For want of suitable targets to project my envy/ frustration/ disappointment what I do is turn it on myself. Therefore, I hurt myself knowingly because either I am incapable of hurting anyone or I have nobody to hurt that I care for. Yes, I don't believe in hurting people just because the crossed my way, said something nasty about me, made fun of me or simply if they hate me.

Am I a masochistic moron??

In as much I want this to be false, it turns out to be true.
I have a big ego. I get hurt easily. I am too sensitive for the prevailing negativity around me. Then why can't give it back to the people???
Initially, I thought this was because I was too soft, too mellow and good hearted. In other words, GAY.
But, hey, most of gay guys I have come across are more than capable of hurting you like you have never been before. Why do I have to this self ingratiating person trying to be loved and like by all. I don't know if these two things are related I do see a connection.

I blame myself. ALWAYS.
Not others. Always trying to rationalize their behavior with something that I might have done to piss them off. I know there are not many. But this process, I tend to think enables me to identify my weaknesses and improve me as a person.

Improvement, but for whom and what??
why do i have to be get depressed every time somebody acts like an ass and I end up blaming myself.

Shocking but true

This is not new news, but it's shocking to say the least. We think that things will be different outside India but they are not. The more things change, the more they remain same..So no matter how many 'Will & Grace', 'Gossip Girl' and " Ugly Betty' we have, it's still a touchy subject..Read on

http://www.newsweek.com/id/147790

Queer Eye for Straight Guy

Queer eye for straight guy debuted last night on Discovery Travel & Living, and being none too wiser I had to watch it to ascertain the queer quotient for myself. I won't bore you with the details which can be aptly described as how five 'fab' gay men give a straight man a 'make better' ( not a typical makeover, you see) encompassing his appearance, wardrobe, kitchen, , household and social skills.

I was expecting it to be a lot more fab, a lot more sensational and a lot more colorful. I think, the creator and presenters would have been a little off key in the first few episodes to gauge audience reaction to the new concept. While doing my pre-research for the show I found out that the also drew some flak for stereotyping gay men...I found all of them to be quite different, not like where they all are pinky pansies or muscled butch; thereby presenting a spectrum of 'rainbow' colors.
As I am opposed to any kind of categorization, I do feel that you don't have to be gay to have a fashion sense or have a clean, organized room. But, I do have to admit, albeit reluctantly, that more often than not gay men are better equipped to take care of things that most straight men mundane/ boring/ superficial ( all silly excuses) either because of their conditioning or their being plain lazy.

Have I ever been asked if I am gay because of my 'skills' in fashion, cooking, interior decoration, personal hygiene apart from being sensitive ( last one is really limit)...Having super intelligent friends does have its downsides, and them knowing my orientation without me having to spill everything is one of those downsides. :)


Update: Caught the second episode too. But it's a little too dull for my taste. They pick up the dirtiest, most un-groomed person and create a make better. Anyone can do that. ( read: gay) Why hire five people when I alone can do as much a good job :)

Instant Filter: Coffee - Contradiction Galore

There is this guy whom I personally don't know, but know about him through his appearances in the infamous delhi chat room 22. I know a few things about this guy like where he is from and what he does etc, from a few social networking sites he has created his 'real' profile on. There used to be a time orkut was not that inflesxible for snooping guys like me. Most of the people who visit this room will identify him ( No, I am not mentioning about the guy who gives his travel route every evening so that somebody can 'pick' him up). This guy is a doctor and perhaps pursuing his post grad course ( These medicos! they keep studying all their lives). Now, what initially caught my fancy in this guy was his hoarse cries in the chat room asking for any one 'educated'. Confident of being an educated sophisticated guy, I pinged him. To my surprise, He asked me," Are you a doctor?" I replied, "No. I am not". End of conversation. Not that it was a bad day for him or me. This scene has repeated quite a few time. He often comes online and asks " Any doctor/ engineer in this room?"

Did I feel insulated/ offended by his repsone. No, I was not. I was amused. I was amused at the thought process of some people. Now, I am fully aware that how our matrimonial pages are filled with adverts for 'Medico bride wanted', but isn't this a same kind of parochial thinking reflected here. There will be people who may think that being from the same profession will let the'couple' understand each others issues/ concerns/ life style in addition to regular dining table conversation some of which may go like "That hysterectomy case became serious after Hypokalemia causing rhabdomyolysis. I had to rule out Bartters syndrome and Gitelmans syndrome with rhabdomyolysis due to severe hypokalemia." I don't know many who will jump with delight on hearing such interesting chain of thought to go along with their morning Tea.

This case must be an extreme. And to those people who disbelieve me, I suggest spend some time in the chat room to witness this doctor's call. However, there is a deeper point here. As human beings we all have tendencies to make snap judgments, which some researchers have found are more often than not correct ( Read 'Tipping Point' for the detailed view on this theory). But if I remember clearly, as with every other fad theory the writer in this book has also advised caution to excercise this a little too frequently without discretion. We all try and make judgments, filter people and categorize them to put them in different boxes for convenience of our brain. If somebody is sikh, he has to be loud, loose with his verbal volleys, has a thing for butter chicken and daru and will dance to his guts everytime a bhangara song is played out. Not that I am above such categorization, I think we choose the easy way because we are too lazy to make an effort know someone. We are too eager to fill in the blanks after we know someone superficially, some times without even knowing them. Just by having a look at them ( I do it most when I see a very goodlooking guy/ gal dismissing them to be dumb. But in my heart, I so wanna be proved wrong about this. And I have been proved wrong in a few cases involving member of opposite sex, though)

How easy it is to filter. How easy it is so call someone 'not my type' because he/ she doesn't listen to songs I like, doesn't like the movies I like, nor do they look and speak the new lingua franca of India 'english' like me. I know I am stretching the stereotype a little too far here. But don't we get judged and judge others in return. I have been asked this a number of time whether I am a product of much famous 'elite' school of my home town. People presume that I think in a certain way, so I should be in this profession. I mean if I can tell apart a ritu kumar and JJ vallaya just by looking at the ensemble, it doesn't make me a fashion guy ( A gay guy perhaps ;) )

I have never travelled to west. But what I have gathered from pop culture, it tells me that most of the people give two hoots about a lot factors given consideration here in India. Factors such as where you live ( any think less than south delhi is blasphemy ), how fluent you are in english ( most of the guy here will not blink an eye before they agree to sleep with Christiano Ronaldo), what care you drive and how much money you make ( the previous question is used to make an estimate of your net worth because asking salary package is not considered polite - unless you meeting prospective in laws). Miranda from Sex and the City is an example- may be fictionalized, but what about Matt Damon and George Clooney? Well, not that everybody has to agree with me, but for dating one only needs an 'interesting' person. Interesting may be a very broad term but it's still better than making someone a series of stats. Looks are important and cannot be denied in real world, but there is always more to a person than his/her looks ( I hate to be stereotyped as gay blogger coz being gay is just one of the things that make me a person. And I find there are far more interesting thing in me than my sexual orientation)

I am an avid follower of Grey' Anatomy. In the first few episodes of third season, when doctor Burke is shot in hand and he is unable to gain full control of his hand after his surgery, we get to see a moral dilemma in Christina. Who does she love? Preston Burke the guy who love her or Doctor Burke who is the best heart surgeon in the entire west coast? The question is essentially what defines the person you love, and whether you love what defines him/ her or the person in question. Love is always selfless. You can't love or pretend to love an attribute of a person. What if that attribute is gone? ( I have not taken any kind of physical deformity to illustrate my point deliebrately) Will I stop loving my mom because she was not what she used to be -beautiful and able to care for me? I did not and I will not.

What am I trying to suggest here?? That you go out with all sort of people without any discrimination. No, That will be absurd. It's just that we need to be a little more open minded and flexible, and most importantly a bit patient. Patient to know the person before of us. Because sometime we ourselves start believing in the facades we create and lies we tell ourselves.

Is it Friendship or Fiend-ship??

I am often asked this question. It embarrasses me to no end and yet each time the answer remains same. It's not as if I have deliberately done something to maintain the status quo. May be I have been plain lazy. And if somebody is wondering what that question is. Let me come straight ( ??) to the point.

Have I made any friend ( read: Gay) in Delhi?

This question looks awfully simple but no matter how many times I answer this- whether to myself or some random guy I picked on chat rooms- the answer doesn't change. Yes, I have no friends in delhi. Leave aside question of his/her being straight or gay.

I have often tried to figure out the reason why I am alone in such a fun loving boisterous city. Am I that anti- social, boring, boorish, stupid or simply put what is wrong with me ? It's not that I have not come across people. I have my profile on a few networking sites where I do get responses; and last year I was a chat-oholic. I have met a few of them in real as well. Good people. Educated, articulate and some of them pretty hot too. But why those seemingly nice, intelligent guys have never bothered to remain friends with me. In fact, I have asked this question to a few people I have met that how many gay friends they have been able to make. And most of them surprised me by telling me that they do have a few very nice friends, some even have gay best friends. How I wish if I had even a single friend.

Let me first tell you why I want a friend. I live alone in this city. I hardly get to interact much at my workplace because of nature of work. Therefore, weekends are my worst nightmares. I have nothing else to do on weekend except reading. I love going out, intelligent conversation, exploring the city its monuments, eating at new places, shopping and works. But most of you realize that these activities are half as fun if done alone- or at least I find it boring after a time. I would love to have a friend for all these, not to mention my trips to gay pubs and discussing who looks hotter on the street.

I have found an answer to this question as well. Now, I am not one of those guys who blame others for everything and anything that happens to them. I feel most of the things in our life are in our locus of control- barring a few, of course. This discovery has not been without it's share of pathos. I have concluded that I do not have gay friends because I am an average looking guy. Ok, let me add something there. I am an average looking person with not so average intellect. Now, I know how facile this sounds, but trust me I have given due consideration. How else will you explain that people who are ready to sleep with me, who can have long conversation with me on phone for the entire day before meeting me, suddenly realize that they are far too busy with their life. In the first case, in all modesty let me say that- some very hot men have found me to be 'hot' and I don't blame them for objectifying me. hehe. In some case, we have done it and I have expressed my desire to be in touch with them, doing the things that I mentioned in the beginning. However,even the best of these guys perhaps follow the one meeting policy.

There is another category, where people go gaga over me. Only on phone that is. When we talk. they will coo sweet nothings and everything will be 'suggested' to be on offer. Hardly, there has been a case when the deal was cut.

Contrary to what my luck has been, I have found that every good looking guy- no matter how dubs he is- will have at least a few friends, that too equally hot, if not more. I fully know that how this gay world functions on whole concept of beauty and looks but what really perturbs is the shallow hypocrisy these people put up. Why do they have to embellish an 'Indecent Proposal' in the garb of friendship. Why can't we behave a little mature and start differentiating between friendship, love, sex and sex of casual nature.

Disclaimer: Whatever I have written here has also been given another name : Delhi Gay Dating. There are high chances that if you are not from Delhi, you would not have experienced this. Equally possible it is that you are a Delhite and goodlooking. So, I know that you are not part of the tribe.