My Notting Hill moment

My last post was going nowhere. It was erratic, incoherent and befuddled. I think I had not even read it before publishing  ( small mercies that push button publishing offers you); but in retrospect I think it was something I had to do. Something that I had to get out of my system so that I could live peacefully. Since, I still have not told the name of the person to anyone except for my ex-best friend, I carry a huge baggage. It’s not everyday that I have news of me dating a bigshot 

Let’s rewind to a month back.

In the tradition of TV news channel who are hell bent on recapitulating news breaking stories, let me tell all those readers who have tuned in to this post now.

Recap: I had a chance encounter with a very big name in Indian fashion scene. That encounter which started on virtual world transitioned to audio world ( read: phone) and I felt ecstatic to say the least. Here I am- someone who was ( still is ) afraid of getting old alone, who is surly and bad tempered because he doesn’t find people who are capable of  matching anything other than body stats—sitting and idling time since he has nothing better to do on weekends and he gets approached by someone who is not only rich, famous, young, good looking but most importantly intelligent.

How often does that happen? ( Twice in my case. I was ostensibly proffered by a Grasim Mr India who really got into me after a converation, but since I could never verify if he was the person he claimed to be, I made little fuss about it and moved on. May be I should post about it too)

I have already written in my last post that how this person messaged me, called me at odd hours and we really connected on phone.

 I had no doubt if he was the real one. He was the real one. I asked him a few question too from what I read from delhi times etc, and he was quite surprised that I tracked such info.

He told me about his business plans as to how he wanted to set up a fashion empire on the lines of western fashion houses and even asked me if I would like to work for him. I was completely taken away by his business proposal. No doubt this guy is going to make it big. He is a force to recon with in Indian fashion and according to media reports he also has good business acumen. It was too good an offer to be refused. I being my usual cynical self played it down focusing on the lesser more baser aspects of life.

Though, after that conversation I did all the research and envisaged myself doing something which I always secretly wanted to do. (People who might get carried away at this moment thinking of me as some fashion queen must be told that I had such weird career aspirations since I was a kid. I still want to be Foreign Service officer, a chef, a journalist, a published author, not to mention, being connected to glamorous industry was also on top of that list.)

But I was in for a shock.

Suddenly there were no messages, there were no calls. And he got completely inaccessible. He never picked his phone though all my messages got duly received.

To put it mildly, I was heartbroken. It was not just any other fling that I had. There are times when you feel there is something great destiny has in store for you and your moment will come. Being a complete cynic, I still have that six year old girl like streak in me who feels that everything is going to be alright at the end. We all feel special. We all feel—at least at some point in time, that life has not been fair to us, that we deserve better. We rationalize, we give examples other people who are far less talented or hardworking but who have made big in life; and we make a list of things that could have been better in our life. If only so…

Despite all this optimism, we chug along the dreary life hoping that our moment is coming. We will have our place on this earth; we will mean something to someone. We will not be just another number in billon other people.

I saw this encounter as my moment. This was my chance to redeem my lost pride which I had for myself.

But what all we wish for does not materialize too often.

It feels bad if one never gets that feeling that one is going to get one’s chance, one’s life changing moment, and one’s ticket to redeem one’s destiny.

But it’s far worse feeling when you realize that you had your chance, you had a life changing moment and your ticket to destiny was not for real. 

I have been having existential crisis sort of thing  for a long time now; but somehow I made peace with myself. Telling myself that life is too long, and I will have my moment when the right times come. But this incident left me questioning those beliefs again.

 What is it from life that I am seeking?There is nothing permanent in this world. Fame, money, power or beauty: These all entrapments.

 What if I have this person rolling at my feet in love, what will that accomplish?

 Why am I so disturbed?

 Why I felt cheated? He never said he loved me or I would be his new boy friend.

 What am I in this world for?

 Am I here for falling in love, making money, making love and then dying?

 I asked these questions again and again. I couldn’t eat, sleep or concentrate on work. I didn’t get any answers. I felt perhaps we make too much of these small incidents in life.

 This fellow—however rich, famous, intelligent he may be-- called a random guy and had fun chat for a brief period. I should have been smart enough to understand it. Though, it doesn’t happen very often in life. But it does happen.

 Big Deal??

 Khair, if you are still reading now, you must got an impression that I am over it.

 On a different note, I caught ‘Notting Hill’ a few nights back on cable. Even the die hard cynics of this world would not be failed to be charmed by this movie. Whatever is happening in the movie: It’s all unbelievable; and that perhaps makes it more believable. We want to believe in goodness of Julia Roeberts and charming goofiness of Hugh Grant. We believe in the movie by the end of the movie.

 “It was nice meeting you. Surreal but nice” Hugh Grant’s character tells Julia Roberts’s character after their first meeting.

 Immediately, I could see the parallel between the film and my story.

 I felt exactly the same. Surreal but nice.

 The bitterness that I had accumulated over the fortnight had dissipated. Not many people get the chance to even have their ‘surreal but nice’ moment. Life is too long, may be I will have many more such moments. And even if I don’t have those moments. I will have many other ways to make my life complete.

 It’s not end of my life.

 P.S. It turned out that my friend is globe trotting to meet buyers and stuff, which he explained me a few days back when he called, and was not able to return calls because he was either too busy or tired. So, all said and done, we are still in touch, though I have given up any hopes of leaving my well paying and secure job to join his fashion house.