I always wanted to write like the stuff I read which is mainly 'Literary Fiction'. In the last one month, I must have bought more than ten books and started reading them only to leave them after a few pages. Nothing caught my fancy, nothing held my imagination, nothing was reminiscent of anything I could relate to. It was not if the books I picked were not interesting. in fact, when I read some of them later, I was appalled by my own poor taste for leaving such gems as 'On Beauty' and 'Darkmans' which I discovered later. I sometimes wonder whether I too, like women, experience some kind of PMS. Being an internet junkie that I am, coupled with a little bit of arm chair psychology thrown in, I did some research and found out some symptoms.
Now, Chrisan being the resident therapist here would definitely have something to say about my observations.Based on the frequency and the timing of my behavior, I found out that this has been classified as SAD. ( how appropriate that is! ) Seasonal Affective Disorder.
For last two years, I have been living in an apartment on seventh floor of a building which gets very little sunlight and air. Add to that my schedule of working from home which required me to wake up at 9:30 and start work from 10. Work usually stretched till 6:30 -7 PM in the evening by the time it'd get completely dark.Occasionally I would step out to buy some stuff ( primarily to eat) and this whole routine was same for five days of the week except for weekends which I spent trying different things hoping to break monotony. A bickering family, and friendless existence did not help much in either case.
This year, I changed my job. Got myself a regular desk job which required me to sit and work with actual human beings. I got overtly excited by the possibility of working with some bright, intelligent young men and women and making a few friends. It's close to six months now. I have made a few acquaintances ( yes, and I am not being sarcastic) and no real friends. May be I have become too morose, too walled to let people come closer to me. Or perhaps, because I am seen as little senior and boss' protege that forbids people. Anyway, I don't analyse that much as long as I am spending some time in sunlight away from my 'dark' house. However, all said and done, there has not been much change in my depression pattern.
I have lost interest in doing everything and anything. May be I should migrate to sunny California and leave this SAD life. :)
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