Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Epiphany
I hate the fact that I am back in India in this sweltering heat. I hate the fact that I have lapsed into same mood swinging patterns. I hate the fact that I have gained whatever weight I had lost. I hate the fact that even after paying four hundred buck plus tip, the barber cut my hair too short which I had cultivated with so much effort, despite my clear cut instructions.
So you see, in simpler terms I am pissed off.
This is the time when I should have been spending my weekends in Paris. Or Nice. Or Rome, for that matter.
Khair, this might all be true when I travel to Europe next month.
So why was I away?
I was primarily away because of a sudden epiphany. I had realized that most of the people who blog ( closeted cases like me) are very miserable. They have no real friends, social circle or love interests to keep them busy elsewhere and so they turn here. They ( we) bitch. We sulk. We do everything in out power to be not happy. ( lot of assumptions and self projections there). I wanted to be different and break free from these types. Since, I am back here it means some ties are stronger than we think and we have to get back to them, even if we don't want to.
Regular readers of this blog might notice that introspection is an activity I indulge myself in quite often, which leads to a lot of psycho analytic babble and discovery. But this time, my findings were triggered my something different.
While I was away, in Europe, I got to meet a blogger. For real!I used to follow his blog as lot. Not just they are reflective but they are also full of juicy details about his seemingly rocking sex life. This person comes across as extremely intelligent, well read and slutty in his blog. He lives in a city where there is hardly any discrimination, rather it's considered to be one of the gay havens of the world. I was quite curious to see him going by his blog he seemed like Mr Perfect.
And I met him indeed. I don't like to get personal and give out details, but suffice is to say he was nothing like what he comes across in his blog. He was nervous, inarticulate and quite miserable. ( I am mean, I know) My point here is not to denigrate him but to bring out the fact that a lot of times we are not what we write on these pages. I am far from perfect, or even nice. I know my shortcomings more than anyone else can see, and I hate that. When I looked at him, with all his developed world gay insouciance, the freedom he has to live his life the way he want to, the works, I didn't envy him. My mind went back to his posts about his rambling in the park. Who goes to a park in that city?? There are multiple clubs, sauna, and internet sites than one can imagine. And you can pretty much do what you want to. Legally.
One has to be really old/ ugly or closeted to be in that park.
And he was not old or closeted.
What hope do people like me have in this country like India then?
Monday, March 15, 2010
Hello!! Knock Knock!
So here I am thinking that it better be late than never, and writing about something that has fascinated me a lot in the recent months.
No, it's not a guy.
Is it just me or all the gays find this whole law business intriguing and interesting. Truth be told, I have been a great fan of 'Boston Legal' and can never get enough of it, and 'Ally Mcbeal' was the first show I honed interpreting the american accent. So what was about this new show that has got me hooked?
"The Good Wife" is a misnomer, just like what series creators did with "Desperate Housewives". They deliver you something else when you least expect it. I will be bored to give you details here since that's what wikipedia does if you already don't know about the show. And if you have not watched the show, let me say you what you should know which is not on wiki. ( See how smart I am saving both of ours time)
The show is nothing like my other favorite show 'Boston Legal'. It's inspired by real life events with a twist and most court cases featured are not facile. Each episode requires constant attention to get full understanding of nuances and it's not all fun and games standing before a judge, having 'jibber jabber' like Alan Shore made us believe in Boston Legal.
It's a real joy to see Julianna Margullies as the protagonist in the series but the surprise package is Archie Panajbi playing the role of in house investigator Kalinda Sharma.
And boy, does she look hot??
I mean she is so hot that I can turn straight for her. But it's too bad she plays a Gay. Irony of sorts!
What really astounds me is the level of good writing that goes into this show. What we get to see in India is hundred of years behind. In fact, most of our movies don't have that kind of layered characterizations, and they feed us stereotypes after stereotypes based on their little understanding of places beyond glam parties.
Has anyone noticed that a lot of time the dialogues are literal translations of english cliches? The 'Karthik calling Karthik' dialogue where Farhan asks Depika if she would take advantage of him if he gets drunk. How lame is that??
Monday, January 04, 2010
How I turned straight and saved myself!!
Sunday, January 03, 2010
A very random beginning
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
In which we resurface
So I have been away. If I start giving reasons on why I was away, I would not have many. But the primary and most important reason has been my laidback attitude. When I am writing this post right now, I am thinking ( in the age old ways of psycho analyzing myself) what has changed that has made me write this post. Probably it’s the onset of autumn. There is slight dew in the air, days are brighter, sunlight is crispier and there is a strange sweet smell in the air. I wonder how these seasonal patterns correspond so well to hindi calendar. Tomorrow, I guess is the first nav-ratra ( going by the stall selling pooja samgri), and though I have no interest, inclination or belief in these things I feel nostalgic of the days when my mother would send me buy some last minute thing that she had forgotten.
First things first. I got myself tested for HIV. My second time. It was something I had been planning, procrastinating and afraid to do for long for simple reasons. Every day, I would pass by this lab and stop and look at the sign board thinking wheather I would need a prescription to ask for the test, and what the people at the counter, the lab assistant who may take my blood sample will think. Will that make me look gay, or they will think I am a promiscuous bitch?
I am sure they have better things to worry about than these things when its their daily routine to come across jerks like me. So there I was, two weeks back at Lal path labs mustering all my courage. I asked the lady at the counter for a HIV/ ELISA test. ( I had got it done first when I found a hicky on my chest which looked a lot like what caposi sarcoma looked on Tom Hanks in Philadelfia.) The person who took my blood sample was as nonchalant as I expected him to be. Though I wanted to run away from there asap, he made me sit and hold the cotton on the point where sample was taken. And did it feel like eternity, sitting there surrounded by that eeky spirit and phenyl air?
I am sure most of you have seen the SATC episode where Samantha ( Btw, did any one check out the new movie’s pics? They all look fab.) gets her test done and she is anxious to get her results while waiting in the hospital lobby to be called any moment to get that counselling. Dr Lal labs saved me from that torture since they have online reports. I can’t begin to imagine to collect a test report finding oneself positive. With my heartbeats going up and staying there, I opened and found it was negative. It was negative. ( on second thoughts, I think if I was a better writer, I’d have begun with the suspense of the test and not broken out the news that it was negative in the first line itself. The way I see it, I too can do it. Just that I am lazy. J )
Hmm, the second thing. I finally met the designer and my notting hill moment did not just stay as an audio conversation. He was actually very nice and cordial and horny . I had already gotten over with the whole thing, so it came as a positive surprise. Peace.
Last month, I also decided that I needed to beautify myself so I invested in a chemical peel session. And I just looked like Samantha when she had got her peel done. ( for those who havn’t seen SATC, go watch it. You have no excuse). It was horrible. I had to be not only indoors but confined to my little apartment. I face resembled a desiccated currant, and no way I could have gone to work looking like that. ( yes, being a style icon does have its downsides). Thankfully, the swine flu scare was at its peak and I cleverly excused myself from going to work by telling people that I have Cold. Anyway, my ordeal lasted for one whole week and I could see a lot of suppressed smiles on my neighbors when I picked my morning newspaper ( only time I went out of home in 7 days). For those who are interested in knowing the results of the experiment can write to me, I will send them before, after and ‘in between’ pics.
P.S. I have been thinking of late why I chose 'TLOB' as my blog alias. I had finished reading the book when I started this blog. To rediscover my quirks, I went back to the book and fell in love with it. I will write a review soon, I think, at least, my alias deserves that,